I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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