For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
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When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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