Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
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Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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