she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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