he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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