I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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