I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
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You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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