My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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