Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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