I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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