I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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