Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize