he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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