life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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