no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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