i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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