The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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