Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
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Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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