It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
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I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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