Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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