I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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