yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
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Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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