We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize