i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize