I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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