just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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