Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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