it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize