Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
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I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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