did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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