haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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