I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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