So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize