Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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