My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
