So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize