Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize