I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize