my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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