my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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