I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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