hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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