conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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