You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize