plz talk dirty to me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This can only be settled by a dance off.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize