Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I looked at my own cervix.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Randomize