Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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