Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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