one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize