dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize